He is such a beautiful person, in every way possible. In every way that I never imagined anybody with even a slight interest in me could be. He played a song for me last night, a song that he wrote for his ex, and it made me cry. I don't think he knew, I didn't tell him. It was so beautiful, he was beautiful. It gave me an opportunity to see someone in a way that I have never been allowed to see them. I got to see the depth of some of his emotions. His words, his fingers playing were no longer just words and music. They were his emotions, and they touched me. They made me cry.

I don't know why, I don't know how, but it's becoming quite apparent to me that he has a hold over my emotions like nobody else ever has before. Not even Chris.

And it's going so fast. Maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know if it's too soon, I don't know where it's going. I don't know how real it is. There is so much uncertainty. So much so that it's almost painful. There is, however, one thing I do know, and it's this: right now, it feels right. I don't know why. I'm not even sure I can explain it. I just know that I feel that it's right.

I don't know if he agrees with me. I don't know if he feels the same way. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't. He expressed uncertainty, more than I. I don't know if the uncertainty comes from the fear of hurting and being hurt, or if it comes from somewhere else. I only hope that he can overcome it, that maybe I can help him. Not even for the sake of me, but for himself. Already, I want him to be happy, no matter what. He deserves it, and I want to give it to him. I want to be the one to give it to him.

I wish he were here now. Then maybe I could know, he could know. There would no longer be any uncertainty, any fear of hurting each other. We could know, even if it were to know that things aren't supposed to be the way that I want them to be. Things would be easier and I wouldn't be afraid that I would hurt him, or he would hurt me, or he would find someone better, more special and spectacular. But there's nothing I can do about it, and for now, I'm trying hard not to worry about it too deeply. About what will or will not be, or could or could not happen. I'm going to try to live just for now because for whatever reason, I've come to realize of the last week that the future will work out, whether that be for the good or bad, despite my worrying. Wouldn't it just be easier to sit back and be happier with what I do have, rather than worry about things that I may never be able to change? Silly, I know, that I just realized this... but at least I finally did.

Right now, he makes me happy. He makes me smile. Thinking about him makes me feel warm inside. The things he says make me feel warm and content. So for now, I'm going to be happy with what I have. Even if it means that there's a lot that I don't have. I'm going to try damn hard. I'm going to be happy, and in the process, I'm going to try to make him happy. Happier than he's ever been before, if he'll let me.