andshewaited: i hope you weren't like... mad that i had to leave the other night, or anything
andshewaited: you seemed upset and i felt bad
dirgin: You don't owe me anything, I was just worked up that's all. Nothing to feel bad about, just biology
andshewaited: i know i don't
dirgin: No worries
dirgin: In many respects it's good for me, any lesson in self control is a good thing
andshewaited: heh
andshewaited: i wasn't really expecting any of what happened to happen
andshewaited: it kind of caught me off guard
dirgin: well your face was sorta right there, so I just thought it might be a good idea to kiss ya 
andshewaited: heh
andshewaited: it's not like it was bad...
dirgin: 
andshewaited: i just don't know what any of it meant
andshewaited: i don't even know if it has to mean anything
andshewaited: i think too much
dirgin: It means i have a penis, you have a vagina, and we have all sorts of chemicals in our brains that tell us to stick them together lol
andshewaited: haha
andshewaited: that makes me kind of sad though
dirgin: why?
andshewaited: you just sort of made it seem like it's just that i was there, you were horny and it was convenient
dirgin: yeah I'm sorry, I don't want you to feel like that. Sometimes I worry about my own motives to be honest. I mean, I try really hard to be a nice guy, but I've got my asshole side too, so I try to make sure I'm doing things for the right reasons but it's always a balancing act ya know?
andshewaited: i guess
andshewaited: i guess i just wanted it to be that someone was giving me attention because they liked me... like that
andshewaited: and not for their own benefit, or because they felt sorry for me or anything
dirgin: I do like you, that's the thing, but I'm also a guy, and gus are assholes, so it's hard to always be sure my motives are as pure as I hope they are ya know?
andshewaited: haha
andshewaited: not all guys are assholes
dirgin: yes they are. Some just control it better than others
andshewaited: heh
andshewaited: i guess you control it pretty well then
dirgin: thanks. I try VERY hard

dirgin: The thing you have to watch out for with me, is that sometimes I hurt other people by accident, sometimes because I'm trying to be nice. I mean, I hate coming off as a yes man, but I also hate being a no man too
andshewaited: hmm
andshewaited: i suppose i'm just going to have to be calm and sit back and wait to see what happens
andshewaited: if anything
andshewaited: assuming you want anything, whatever
andshewaited: i'm shutting up now
dirgin: Nah don't be afraid to have something to say
dirgin: I'm a complicated mess at this stage in my life, I really worry about a relationship of any kind, but I also get lonely, so it's a balancing act
andshewaited: well
andshewaited: i understand that
andshewaited: and i like you, quite a bit i suppose (from what i know of you, anyways) so i'm open to whatever
andshewaited: so i'll leave the rest up to you now 
dirgin: or leave the rest up to us.... lol
dirgin: takes two ya know
andshewaited: fine fine
dirgin: It's just that I'm at this stage in my life where no matter what I do, no matter what I find, nothing really makes me happy, and I can't seem to really connect with other people. Depression fucking sucks 
andshewaited: 

dirgin: My ex keeps asking me why I'm looking for a girl and ya know, I'm not really sure what to tell her
dirgin: I mean, she and I stopped dating cause I'm basically impossible to deal with half the time
andshewaited: heh
andshewaited: i didn't even know you were looking for a girl
andshewaited: most people are impossible a lot, you know? heh
dirgin: well I am and I'm not looking ya know
dirgin: It's one of those weird things, I've been talking to a lot of people, but not even really sure what I'm after
andshewaited: i see